Addictions and Intentions

It's time to come clean.

I'm an addict.

Now before you begin to worry and start Googling the nearest (and hopefully highest rated) treatment centers for me, I can assure you it's not that kind of addiction.  But that doesn't make it any less detrimental to my health - physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

You see, addictions are like sin - in fact, I believe most addictions are a sin. They take our eyes off God. Although society will lead us to believe that some hold greater weight than others, a sin is a sin; and an addiction is an addiction.  In the eyes of the One that matters, not one is greater than the other. They just are. And when we know we are in the thick of it, it is time to repent.

So here I am confessing to you, my friend, that I am an addict. I am addicted to many things: my phone, social media, buying books, Netflix and ch...ocolate, and a few other things. There are so many things that take my time away from the things that are really important; or take me away from what the Lord has really set on my heart. While some of these distractions may not constitute a true addiction, since I probably could quit a few of them cold turkey, the feelings I get from said things are something my human emotions crave.

I love the feeling I get when someone likes my posts or I get a new follower. You know you get it too. It's a feeling most of us humans can relate to: Someone likes me. Someone is paying attention to me. I am worth something.  I lose sight of the fact that Jesus loves me all along the way. He doesn't need to hit the "like" button. He's way better than the like button.

 

I love the feeling when I get a yellow package stuffed in my mailbox. The careful opening of the padded envelope. (Heaven forbid I rip the cover or pages trying to get that nearly impossible thing to open open.) The firmness of the unopened book. The smell of the pages.... Oh, such beautiful thing. Before I even open the first pages, I feel like I've earned myself 100 Christian points for owning a book by a well-known and inspirational author. (Bonus points if I got it signed.) Again, it's the feeling I get when owning and reading these books. But is what I get out of these books truly what I intend to get out of them?

I have about ten books on my reading shelf right now. I've started about 5 of them. They are all Christian books, written to inspire people like me to live lives full of love, truth, grace, and forgiveness.  And I want to read all of them. Now. At the same time. I want to know how I can be the best person I can be so I can turn it around and inspire others to do the same. Now. Even before I've finished the books.

Even before I've finished them, I want to write about them. To retell part of the story. To encourage others to read. To be the best they can be. Those are my intentions.

Intentions.... That's a funny word.

I intend to read all of the books.  

I intend to inspire others.  

I intend to spend less time on the internet. 

I intend to revoke my addiction to social media. 

I intend to spend more time with my children. 

I intend to read the bible. 

I intend to get closer to God.

The question then becomes: DID I?

Did I read all those books?
Did I inspire others?
Did I spend less time online and more time in real life?
Did I read the bible?
Did I get closer to God?

If my answers are no, then my intentions really mean diddly-squat. If I intend to confess my sins, my addictions, it means absolutely nothing unless I get something done.

And that's the key: DO SOMETHING.

Don't just have intentions. Be intentional. Write it down. Schedule it. Do what ever it takes to make those intentions into actions. PRAY. We can't do this alone. Set your sights on the One who speaks to your heart.

Like I mentioned earlier, my addictions could be somewhat of a sin. You might wonder how something like reading Christian books can be a sin? After all, doesn't it make me a better Christian? Well, yes, it can. It has the potential.  But simply reading something does not make you a better anything, except maybe a better reader of words.

The intention to do good is there, but unless I put into action those words on the page, I am simply wasting the time and blessings God has given me through these talented writers. I need to DO SOMETHING with it. It's only then that it becomes less about me and more about HIM. 

My work on social media becomes worthwhile when I DO SOMETHING. When I carve out my boundaries, set my limits and use my allotted hours to bring others closer to God through building and strengthening relationships. When I use my time wisely to partner with people around the world to breathe life into those who need it most. I begin to feel less worries about the likes and followers, and satisfaction and Joy in sharing the Word. It's not up to me, for God is the one who will guide the right readers to the words I have written for Him.

When I curb my addictions, live our my intentions, I can focus my attention, my heart, on the Lord. I have time and energy to do the true things He is calling me to do. I find myself being able to do so much more. And it's not about me. It's about HIM.

And our God is a good God. He has put it on my heart to read...and take action. 

From Dirty Floors to Perfect Imperfection

Aloha friends!

This week was extremely busy - as most weeks are for me. But somehow, when "mother nature" comes to visit, it makes for some quite challenging days.  Despite the grouchies and migraines, I must say, I kept thinking of a tremendous honor I received from a friend.

You see, my friend Heather, who writes the blog, Dirty Floors | Happy Kids, nominated my blog for an award. Yep, you heard that right! An award! When I found out, part of me wanted to jump out of my chair and dance around the room. And let me tell you, I was grinning from ear to ear!

But on the inside, I began to feel the doubt starting to grow. I don't know if I'm "worthy" of this award. After all, I'm just getting started. I don't have a grasp of my target audience. I don't have a long drawn out list of blogging topics and schedules. Oftentimes I click "submit" before any deep editing.

I'm. Just. Rambling.

Trying out Bloglovin'

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

I'm going to try out a new Blog following app. Feel free to try it too. The only thing is they are requiring me to post the link above on a new post.  =)  If you already use it, let me know how you like it!

That's it for now. Have a wonderful day!

~ Jenn

In the morning...

"In the morning, give me Jesus."  Those words are stuck in my head right now. Unfortunately, I can't for the life of me recall any other lyrics from that song. Nor can I hum the tune. So this is pretty much gonna drive me crazy all day until I can lay my ears on that song!

Each evening, I go to bed with the intention of rising just a smidge earlier to devote my time to the Lord. I am filled with the hope of starting my morning reading the Word, or listening to a sermon, or even doing a devotional. Mornings are the best! I tell myself. Because there's nothing better to start your day with.

Sure. Sounds like a wonderful idea. I'm going to set my alarm 15 minutes earlier, set out my materials, and go to bed a wee bit earlier. So basically, I won't really notice the difference in the morning and it will be amazing to wake up early - even before the birds! Good night, world!

Sleep.

Alarm.

Snooze.

Just a few more minutes....

Alarm. Again.

Snooze.

Those of you familiar with the snooze button know that I've now slept about 18 minutes PAST my intended wake up time, which means we are now into the "breakfast and lunch making" phase of the morning. No more time for devotionals, for reading, for writing. But I'm not thinking about that at the moment. I grudgingly drag my body out of the nice, cozy comforter; my feet melding with the cold floor.

What was I thinking, setting my alarm so early? 

The bed is so comfortable!

Oh yeah, I'm supposed to do a Godly thing right now.

But I'm so tired!

Then the guilt starts to set in. I bring my phone into the bathroom with me and attempt to read a 5-minute devotional from one of the 5 that are waiting for me in my inbox. I'm a little bit more inspired for my day, and as I quietly walk from my bathroom, through my bedroom, I glance over at my sleeping husband. He works so hard. I hope I don't wake him. Lord, please keep him safe today. I know you will, so thank you. I'll let him sleep a few more minutes.

I still feel bad that I have failed, yet again. and turn on some worship music as I prepare meals for my three kiddos, who are snuggled up nice and cozy in their own beds.

I can't help it. I sneak a peak at them, graciously paused in their non-stop, ever-moving day. I'm hardly believing that they are...wait, let me think...oh yes, 5, 7, and 11 years old. I thank the Lord for them and pray for their day and that He may guide them in their walks of life. I'll let them sleep a few more minutes. They're growing kids, after all, and they need their rest.

As I prep, cook, chop, pack, I let the music fill me. And though my body is still a bit tired, my soul is fired up for Jesus.

You see, in all this, I realized that it's not all about the Godly appearances of looking like a good Christian girl and doing my devotions every morning. It's not all about listening to a preacher teach me about our Lord and Savior. It's not all about reading every devotion, every day religiously. Because it's not about the religion. It's not about the guilt. It's about the connection.

My mornings are about connecting with God in the few quiet minutes I have. It's about thanking God for this beautiful day that I am alive and healthy once again. It's about thanking God for my amazing husband. It's about thanking God for my three beautiful children, who are SO blessed. It's about praising God through worship and song.

I can assure you that Jesus didn't mind me hitting the snooze button a few times. If He wanted me up, I would have been up - unable to fall back asleep. But like the loving Father He is, I'm thinking the Lord looked down at me and said I'll let her sleep just a few more minutes.

And for that, Lord, I thank You.

(Now let me go find that song!)

Building a Village

So I've recently become a part of a community of women that started one afternoon as a post for "help" by a well known author. You see, she's in the middle of the crunch moment of book writing.  While I have no experience in writing a book (yet), I can relate to moments of feeling stuck, and not knowing where my writing is heading - right now for instance.  This beautiful speaker and author was at a point in her writing when the Lord called her to seek wise counsel. And she did. Her single post on social media was more than just putting more words on the page. It created a movement.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/932780390175322/

In one day, a village was built. First starting at a couple hundred Facebook members in a few hours, the village grew to over 5,000 members in it's second day. We all came to help one woman, and in the process, we became a community destined to help each other.

http://upliftconnect.com/why-women-need-a-tribe/

I can not fathom how God works His wonders, but we all attest to the miracle that is Our Village. Women (and some men) from all over the country, and even various corners of the world, brought together sharing stories of sorrow, of hope, of love.  Hundreds of friendships are being born as we speak. Stories of adoption, of abuse, of motherhood, of loneliness, of marriages, of illnesses...of life are not only being told, but they are bringing people together.  All because of one woman's cry for help.

If you think that one person is too small to make a difference, think again. Each one of you has a story. Each one of you will get stuck at one point or another. What might seem as a troubling moment in your life, might actually exist in order for more amazing things to take place. I'm sure this author was not intending on creating a movement, but yet, here it is. A wondrous thing to behold.

So when you hear that voice, the voice calling out from your heart for you to do something a bit out of the ordinary, it may just be a good thing to listen and give it a shot. It's happened before and it can happen again.  One person can change the world. YOU could change the world.

Be blessed, my friends!

~ Jenn

--------------------------------------------------------------------

If you feel so called to join this group, please do!  Just search for "Our Village" in Facebook. It's a closed group, but you are more than welcome to join in. May it bless you in the many ways it has already blessed so many so far.

Glitter on the Page

I always found myself drawn to the literary scene. Coffee shops were just beginning to pop up in the '90s and despite my distaste for coffee at the time, I would try to catch the latest book readings or slam poetry sessions whenever I could. I tried to fit the scene: blue jeans, white top and a black blazer, or just a black long sleeved turtleneck. I carried my laptop and notebooks in my messenger bag. And black leather boots. Even though it was a warm island night, always the boots. I loved those boots. I was such a lit nerd with them. Made me feel so grown up - not the third-year in college that I really was.

My notebooks were filled with random poems and attempts at short stories. My dream to write a novel was quickly thwarted by my juvenile attempts at character development and lack of an imaginative plot. I couldn't think of anything "new." Everything had already been done and I just felt like a copycat.  I dreamed of being a writer. Being one of those people behind the table at the bookstores, signing my name on the very first page of a brand new book. I bathed myself with thoughts of my words reaching hundreds, if not thousands, of people. My words. The words I had the courage to write.

But that's just it. Courage.

When it came time to write, my words became monotonous. They lost feeling. Everything felt very...factual. It seemed so forced that I couldn't write anymore. The words that danced in my head, could not find their way to the page. Occasionally, I could muster a sprinkling of them in my poetry - but only for a short while and only in little bursts. But even those little glitters got lost among the dry words that surrounded them.  I was a writer who couldn't write.  Not the way I wanted to.

My love for writing was born when I was in eighth grade after I lost a loved one. I had trouble processing the events and my English teacher encouraged me to write the story of what had happened. My hand ached from furiously writing down every moment I could remember, but some things I couldn't because I had already started to block them out. There were no computers back then, so all my words lived on the paper - even if they were crossed out, or squished between sentences, they were there. As I recalled the moments of the event, tears began streaming down my face and dripped onto the lined paper, splattering them and smudging them just a bit, as if they were trying to create art with my words.  I remember writing through swollen eyes and before each blink to release the tears, the words seemed to dance on the page - just for a moment. Although I didn't understand it then, my path was being shown to me - just for a moment. Even though I didn't know Him then, He was there. And I saw Him.  Just for a moment.

I continued writing, but it was not very well according to academic standards. I lacked the extensive vocabulary expected of me at my high school, and I scored very low on my SAT Verbals. I shrugged off the idea that writing was for me. Maybe it wasn't. I was meant to be something different. Towards the end of high school and into my Freshman year of college, I had pretty much avoided any course that expected massive amounts of reading, writing, and analysis. My brain just wasn't wired for it.

Then life dealt me another blow right before I turned 20. Again, a loss of a loved one. Again, trouble processing. Again, I picked up the pen. The words poured out of me. Like water bursting through a broken dam, they gushed recklessly and without direction. They needed to get out. They had been cooped up for so long. And then the raging river reduced itself to a trickle.  I was all out. Much like how I had felt with my life at the time, I was done. I didn't want to hurt anymore so I shut it off again. But this time, it was just for a moment. Because what I realized during that storm, was the surge of power hidden in my words. And I knew it was meant for something greater.  If I could just find it again.

So there I was sitting in a coffee shop. Sipping on hot cocoa, pretending it was coffee. In my literary boots. Listening to an author reading his words. Trying to find my own rhythm. Trying to find my own words. But as hard as I tried, they were only revealed to me in small moments - like tears on the page. Although I didn't understand it then, I needed to do one more thing before I could tame the raging river inside of me.

Until tomorrow, my friends.

~ Jenn

This is Day 3 and 4 of my 500+ Word Challenge. (I wrote 1000+ words! Lol.) Please excuse the rawness and any errors in the text. Today was my first day back at work today after a two week-long Spring Break, and my writing window is short. Not to mention my stamina is a bit low as well. I'm considering this work as a two-in-one special since I took yesterday off because of the holiday. I spent the day with my family and friends and had the opportunity to witness my son lead worship at our home church, Christ Centered Community Church (C4), here in Honolulu. I was surprised to see this story emerge from me this evening, and I hope to continue it tomorrow, or maybe another day when I have the energy and focus to write it properly, as it deserves to be. I hope you all had a wonderful Easter Sunday, spent with family and friends, and I look forward to the next time we meet. If you feel compelled to leave a comment, feel free to do so below. Of you can always shoot me an email at jennniferltanaka@gmail.com. Aloha.

Goal Setting: Finding My Direction

As I embark on this 500+ word per day challenge, I realize that there are two ways to go about this:

1. I could ramble on for 500 words each day and leave it at that. Kind of a "just wing it" sort of approach.  Or, I could..

2. Strategically plan out my posts (not over-obsessively, although I may get to that point from time to time) and have an idea of what I'd like to write about as I begin each day or week. Think "themes" or "hot topics".

I'm kind of leaning towards the latter, although I love the spontaneity of being able to just wing it, or being able to just go with the flow. I'm actually using this challenge as a way to develop my writing skills and to be able to figure out what direction I'd like to take my blog.

You see, I'm a teacher, a learner, a mother, a daughter, a wife, a sister, a dreamer, a realist, a Christian, and a science geek. I love reading. I love writing. And as somewhat of an introvert, I feel comfortable sharing my life in this setting - where I don't really have to "see" my audience. Overall, I hope that sharing my life experiences cause people to laugh, to think, to be happy, to be honest with themselves, to be able to face the tough times, to be welcomed, to know they are not alone, to know that they are loved, and most of all to be inspired to take action.

If I could wrap that up and present it to you with a neat bow, that would be my dream gift to you.

But life is not perfectly wrapped up with a nice neat bow. Life is messy. I promise you there will be things falling out of that gift box. The wrapping paper will be torn in places (possibly where my kids stuck their fingers into the "soft parts") and there may be wrinkles and coffee, tea, milk, or water stains in certain areas. And when you open the box, you will probably find some broken things in there. Some pieces were glued perfectly back together and you can hardly notice the cracks, but some others may be more obvious as they are missing some fine shards and are chipped and rough. You may find some other pieces, hastily refastened using pieces of Scotch tape ready to fall apart again at any moment. Some of you might be keen enough to look so closely you  find those broken pieces that I tried to hide under the nicer things. Those I try to keep hidden for they are not meant to be seen, but they are still a part of me. Waiting to be fixed.

That is the basis of my writing. On Day 2 of this writing challenge, we are encouraged to write down our goals for this challenge. Through it, what do we want to accomplish. Well, friends, what I want is this:

To be able to give this gift to you through my words.  And it is with a humble heart that I hope you accept it.

~Jenn

Hello Again!

Aloha Friends!

I know it's been a while since I've last posted and lots of great things have been going in my personal life, and I'd love to share all of that with you, but I'll try not to overwhelm you with any mundane details. One of the wonderful things I'll be doing is resurrecting this blog after a several month hiatus. After resetting my priorities as a full-time working mom of three, I have been working on ways to get in touch with what God's purpose is for me. I love spending time with my family, but I have also been called to look for those "little things" that is planted for us to find each and every day. Some people call them "small moments," and some people call them "lovelies." There are millions of these just waiting to be discovered, and I love to look for them, find them, and share them with the world through photography and through my words.

Writing is one of the blessings that I have in this busy life, and sometimes I feel like it's just for me. It not only helps me to relax and process events in my life, but I love the challenge of this craft and I'm looking forward to honing it and fine tuning it in an effort to best convey the words that God wants me to write. I have been enjoying reading books and blogs by fellow authors who are also called to write and to share their stories in an effort to inspire others. Like them, my goal is to be obedient and to work on this blessing that God has given me and to see where this goes. 

In fact, I'll happy to let you know that I've accepted a challenge to write 500+ words per day for the next 31 days. This means that if I can stay true to this challenge, you'll be hearing from me for a whole month straight!  Unfortunately (or maybe fortunate, depending on your perspective), my writing this month will be raw and for the most part unedited. If you feel like joining in on the challenge, or would like to give it a shot, you can check out this link to learn more.

Another great resource I have discovered is Hope*Writers. I love having access to some great writers who have gone through all of the challenges and triumphs that I hope to go through myself in order to become the writer I'm meant to be. The site was created by and maintained by a great team of mentors, who specialize in not only blog writing, but in the areas of tech support, book proposals, webinars, and it is a safe place for people just like me - and maybe you - who just want to become better writers.

I'm so excited to see what's in store for me, and I'd love for you to come along on the journey! Please comment below if you'd like to connect!  Until tomorrow, my friends! 

~Jenn